The End of the Beginning
1st Kup
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One thing I've learned from my last grading is that no matter how experienced you are, no matter how confident you feel going in beforehand...you simply can't avoid the nerves.
I've always been someone who values remaining calm and level-headed, even in tense situations, and thus even when I am nervous I've always striven to remain stoic.
Last night was a stark reminder that the nerves will never leave you. I know I wasn't the only one but I'm writing this more than anything as a reminder to my future self that this is something to prepare for. I was practically breathless by the end of my floorwork, not because I couldn't handle the physical demands of it but because my body was absolutely pumped full of excess adrenaline and thus working overdrive to do something that felt so natural during an ordinary lesson.
This is something I'll need to bear in mind when preparing for my eventual black belt grading, because that's exactly where I'm headed next!
When I had my last grading nine months before this one, I went into that one aiming not just to present my best self, but to set the example for everyone else to follow. That was the mindset I had last night also, because it's no longer enough for me to simply learn the movements and the meanings behind them. I'm at the stage now where I want to be able to inspire others to do the best they can, regardless of their age and grade. I still remember who I was four years ago, someone who abhorred physical exercise and everything associated with it, walking out of that first lesson discovering a need I never knew I had. I look at myself now, as someone a long way into a journey that still has a long way yet to go. I haven't reached the end, I'm not even anywhere close to it. But something like this isn't about reaching the end, it's about how you are shaped by the journey. It's the physical and mental improvements you gain along the way, even if you think you've already achieved everything you need in life.
Simply put, if I can inspire others who were like me four years ago to embrace the same journey I'm on now, then I know everything else will take care of itself.
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